he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
