I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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