Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
