I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
