Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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