Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I understand Curling. That high.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
