Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
