I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
