"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
