would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
