Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
