i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
