you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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