she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
