There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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