I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
