I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
