Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
