my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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