Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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