What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
