Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
