i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
