If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize