Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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