You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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