and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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