Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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