i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
