I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
