Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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