I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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