she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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