his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
