She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize