my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
