Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
