but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
