You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
