I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
