I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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