She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
