WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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