You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
