apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
