I'm laying in your front yard are you home
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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