Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
