also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
