Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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