No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it hurts more in the daytime
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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