She said her name was "party"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
