Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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