cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
