I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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