my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Mom said you looked used
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
