She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
