i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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