franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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