Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
