Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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