people are starting to question the shark bite story
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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