If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
