she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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