I want to make a zoo with you.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
