I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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