dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
