She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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