Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
