He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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