Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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