Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
