Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
