Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
