mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
