Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
