You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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