i love accidental penises.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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