the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
