I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize