And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
