if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
