I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
