I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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