u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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