plz talk dirty to me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
