woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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