Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
