i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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