my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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