I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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