At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
