You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize