He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
