Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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