I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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