Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
